• Michelle Zunter

Dear Partner, I’m Too Tired For Sex — But I Still Desire You



Dear partner,


I know I’ve been tired. And so have you. And our relationship has taken the brunt.

I’ve been fantasizing about sleep more than anything else lately — and I’m aware that it has affected our sex life.


We have good reasons….we always do.


We’re here in the trenches together. The trenches of raising kids, working hard, and managing a life together.


We get up before the sun rises, we pay bills, we shuttle the kids, we cook, we clean, and we GIVE. We give our attention, our emotions, and our undying love to our children day in and day out.


Yet, so often we forget about giving those things to one another.


At night, we fall into our bed, drained — even on the weekends.


Unfortunately, quite often, I am just too tired for sex.


But this doesn’t mean that I don’t desire you.


I truly do desire you.


I imagine us making love — passionate love. I imagine myself energetic and full of sexual vigor, arousing you to no end.


And sometimes we are full of that vigor. Though not as often or for as long as we’d both like. Not like we see in the movies or on TV. Not like the couple we imagine we should be. Not like the couple we think we have to be.


I know you get tired too — and as much as I know you’d like to sweep me off my feet and carry me off to the bedroom, giggling — you’d rather relax on the couch before the next chore or problem arises.


There’s no glamorous romance here. Not like when we were dating.

There’s just us — hoping to snag a rare date night soon — hoping to have some moments alone. Knowing how much we love one another yet frequently failing miserably at showing it.


Such is life, partnership, marriage, and raising children. It can wipe the physical romance completely off your relationship map if you allow it.


But you can’t allow it. Not if you want to make things work. You’ve got to try and reverse that pattern of ignoring one another’s needs — if only for a short time every chance you get — no matter how exhausted you might be.


A flirty text, an unexpected hug, a stolen kiss. Maybe even a day where you make love while the kids are at school. Take those rare moments in between the monotony of doing the hard work that raising and supporting a family requires.


I admit I’m often way too tired for sex at the end of a long day that started before 6 am. I admit that I don’t try as hard as I should. And I admit that I could do better. We can do better. As partners and as lovers.


I do still desire you, beloved partner — just so you know.


More from Michelle: Marriage isn’t All it’s Cracked Up To Be — And That’s OK.

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