How Hating My Body Ruined My Sex Life
Hating the way my body looked throughout my 20's and 30's emphatically impacted my sex life.
The negative narrative that I consistently told myself whenever I would see my body in the mirror would control the decisions I made about sex while dating, in relationships, and within marriages.
Looking back, there were so many opportunities that I missed out on as far as experiences in the bedroom. While I could have been enjoying sexual experimentation and experiencing newfound pleasures, instead I was worried about how my body looked to my lover at the time.
And the kicker here is that the majority of the time the lover I was entertaining had NO qualms about my body or how it looked. Generally speaking, as a woman who is heterosexual, I have found that most men are not as preoccupied with bodily perfection as women are.
YES, a lot of men drool over the super glossed, ridiculously airbrushed women in Victoria’s Secret commercials or in movies, but I have found that the ordinary man does not expect an ordinary woman to look like that. And not only that, but most men are more than happy with the way a “real woman” looks in real life with jiggly edges, scars, and freckles in unique places.
Additionally, there are a lot of men who are insecure about their own bodies as well. Men have to compete with the concept of The Thunder From Down Under, or the hunky movie stars of the day.
I think women just tend to put more emphasis on the idea of perfection than men do but it doesn’t mean men don’t worry about their own bodies or how they look during sex. Maybe they’re just better at shrugging it off. Maybe many men are more concerned with their physical performance rather than their physical appearance. I’m not sure but I reckon there will be some men who will comment on this to enlighten me!
Now that I’m in my forties and in a healthy relationship I think my body insecurities have settled down substantially — but I do feel sad looking back at the last 2 decades and thinking how my experiences could have been so much richer and full of life if I hadn’t have been so worried about looking fat or having scars, or just obsessing about it so much in general.
I’ve come to discover that there are plenty of real people in the world who are far from physically perfect who have extremely adventurous, healthy sex lives without worrying about how their body looks to a potential lover.
I really admire those people and I wish I could have been more like them when I was younger. But, hindsight is always 20/20. We are what we are and we learn what we learn.
Now I know better.
I am hoping that there is a woman reading this right now who realizes she needs to let go of her own insecurities. I hope she realizes she can still be insecure but find a way to set that aside and experience life, experience lovers, experience pleasure, and allow herself to be a flawed human being who can give and receive physical love without shame.
More from Michelle: If Women Talked About Masturbation The Way Men Do