• Michelle Zunter

I’m Not A Perfect Wife — And I Never Will Be



I can be an awful partner. I can be atrociously lacking in my relationship skills at times.

As a wife, I am consistently imperfect.


I know this. And I do make an effort to correct this kind of behavior when I recognize it in myself.


I’m not abusive or violent. I don’t cheat. But I am human. And I can have some torrential moods.


Although my husband and I have a pretty healthy relationship and we certainly do love one another very much, there are days when he simply drives me completely nutty to the point where I just want to lock myself away in my room just to get some space from him. This isn’t unique in a long-term relationship and/or marriage. In fact, it’s quite normal.

There is no perfect relationship to be had because there are no perfect people with which to have one. It’s not an expectation anyone should have.

While no one should settle for a relationship where they feel demeaned, disrespected, or abused in any way, there also needs to be the realization that there are going to be days when we as humans are not living up to our best potential. Days when we are frustrated, exasperated, or sad.


With a healthy amount of personal effort, most of us can usually pull ourselves together when we’re feeling wretched and are able to turn our moods and behavior around in order to be better people and partners.


But it does take effort. Real effort.


When you’re part of a couple, you often have to bring yourself to a higher level of functionality than you might if you were alone. Partners need one another in order to make a life together work in a functional way. It’s about give and take. Yin and yang.


Throughout all of my ups, downs, and sideways moods, my husband sticks with me. Not only does he just ‘stick with me’ but he enthusiastically loves me — even in my worst moments.

There are times when I feel that I don’t deserve my husband. There are moments when I feel like I must have literally hit the jackpot to have a partner who puts up with me in the way that he does.


But then I remember that as much as my husband puts up with me, I also put up with him. We both tolerate those sullen moods and the bouts of bad behavior from one another.


However, although we both may tolerate occasional ugliness from one another, there’s always a line. A line where we’re both aware we don’t cross without some sort of repercussion. A boundary that alerts us we’ve gone too far whether it be yelling during an argument or saying something hurtful. An unspoken agreement that one of us has gone too far.

Our partnership is built upon boundaries and considerations that have been cultivated over years of trial and error — missteps and forgiveness.

A strong relationship has to have a solid foundation — YES — but that foundation doesn’t start out solid. It’s often been patched up over the holes which were made out of genuine ignorance and lessons learned the hard way.


When either myself or my husband have a lousy day it reminds me of how vulnerable relationships genuinely are and how on the verge of breaking we can all be on any given day. The fragility of relationships is constant.


I often lament the extraordinary amount of patience and grace a long-term relationship and/or marriage can harbor under the immense strain of responsibilities, struggles, hardship, and foul moods.


Sometimes I’m a completely imperfect wife — nowhere close to being perfect. But I do know what I’ve got. I’m grateful for it — and I try my best every single day to improve upon myself as a person and as a partner.


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