Marriage isn't All it's Cracked Up To Be - And That's OK.

I’ve written a few articles about the trials and tribulations of marriage. I have also talked about how I don’t mind if our own kids never get married.

I’ve never seen a problem with having long term relationships without marriage appearing on the proverbial horizon.

However, I have, in fact, been married twice and I still am married to my second husband.

This fact certainly doesn’t make me an expert on marriage or relationships but I’ve gained some valuable insight for sure.

I can tell you that without a doubt, marriage is not all that it’s cracked up to be.

Marriage is a commitment and it is an investment. Marriage is by no means a fairytale no matter how pretty you make the wedding look.

And this is my point.

The narrative of marriage throughout our society has been so twisted and distorted that our whole concept of ‘happiness-ever-after’ is dangerously misguided.

If any of us expect the next to generations to take the kind of commitment that marriage is to a more serious level, then we need to actually treat the idea of marriage as a serious thing.

Marriage is not a frivolous party that one attends hoping to achieve fun and satisfaction.

Sure, there might be a goodie bag at the wedding but that’s about it. Marriage is a partnership. It’s a combination of two individuals with ideas, emotions, and stuff. Marriage is generally not all fun and games, but it can be meaningful. It can be loving. And it can be fruitful.

Your relationship problems (if you have them) will not end when you get married. They will only deepen. And the solutions to whatever problems you may have as a couple will need to become more dynamic the longer you stay together.

Marriage is not sitting by the fire with your significant other in a cozy cottage without a care in the world as is depicted in commercials or TV shows.

Marriage is definitely not all it’s cracked up to be. But it can be something else.

Marriage is frazzled, messy, and confusing while also being intimate, intriguing, and enlightening.

At its core marriage is a risk, a gamble — a leap of faith. With any luck, you will find a comfortable realness inside of a marriage. But you will not find answers to yourself. Those you must find on your own.

In marriage, there are no magic pumpkins, fairy Godmothers, and no quick fixes to wishes that have not come true yet. Marriage is about as sober as it gets.

Our perception of marriage, even after all these decades of societal evolution, still needs improvement. Marriage is not a destination. Marriage is not a party. Marriage is not a solution to relationship problems. Marriage is a labor of time, effort, and compassion.

Marriage is a serious choice and a conscious decision to legally commit to another person till death do you part. And that choice is entirely up to you.

Marriage has it’s great qualities and it’s negative qualities like everything else. It’s definitely not all it’s cracked up to be at times but marriage is undoubtedly, unwaveringly real.

More from Michelle: This Is Why So Many Women Don’t Like Their Partners Watching Porn