My Divorce Inspired Me To Trust Again
The thing about trust is that once you lose it with someone — after they betray you or let you down in some way — you tend to never get that feeling back again.
In the case of why people divorce, generally speaking, there’s usually some sort of betrayal, a lack of communication, a loss of compatibility, or a significant misunderstanding involved that cannot be mended for whatever reasons.
A loss of trust and a faltering of faith in a partner whom you committed to in marriage is not an easy thing to get over.
Divorce breaks some people. It can also destroy their sense of identity. This is because — so much of the time — we place our self-value into the hands of a romantic partner.
If you were married to someone to whom you gave almost all of your self-worth and self-esteem, it’s no surprise that you might feel lost after a colossal breakup like a divorce.
When a marriage partner betrays you or you feel hurt by them in some way, it can often lead to a feeling of failure and vulnerability — as if you made a mistake in trusting that person from the get-go. As if it was actually your fault for trusting that person.
This is the point where many people just say ‘forget it, I’m never trusting anyone ever again!’
My own experience with divorce was different. The marriage itself had been so suffocating, and so detrimental to my emotional and mental health that when it finally happened, it felt like an exodus.
I went from a place of toxic cruelty, being accused of cheating when I wasn’t, and incessant abuse — to a place where I finally felt as if I could breathe.
After my separation and subsequent divorce, my mind and my body were able to shiver with a newfound relief that I hadn’t felt in years.
Even though there had been essentially no trust in my abusive marriage, I had no issues trusting a romantic partner again. In fact, I may have been a bit naive about trusting people, to be honest.
I wasn’t bitter. I wasn’t angry at all men. I knew that my ex-husband had deep-rooted problems which stemmed far beyond myself or our marriage.
The problems I faced in my first marriage were mainly due to my ex-husband’s own issues with trust. He didn’t trust me — or anyone in his life for that matter. The constant accusations he pummeled me with about me cheating on him were frequent and unfounded.
The verbal and physical abuse he inflicted on me was heinous and absolutely unacceptable.
Yet, throughout it all, this never broke my ability to trust others. I managed to come out of that marriage bruised but definitely not broken, not jaded, and not embittered like my ex-husband was.
I didn’t want to end up like my ex-husband. I didn’t want to end up alone, contemptuous, and terrified that the entire world was against me 24/7.
In fact, I think my faith in humanity was restored after my divorce. I realized there was a whole world of people out there who could actually have romantic relationships without yelling, screaming, and terrorizing their partners. What a concept.
It’s like the saying goes, you don’t realize how toxic the air you were breathing was until you breathe fresher air.
Divorce can be painful, arduous, and complicated. However, it doesn’t need to mean the end of trusting other people. It’s just an end to something that wasn’t working.
More from Michelle: I Don’t Love My Second Husband Like I Loved My First