• Michelle Zunter

Why My Husband & I Skip Date Nights

Being in a committed relationship takes an avalanche of effort and dedication from two people. 

When you’re single, you may think that those who are part of a couple “have it made,” but in reality it’s a completely different show altogether. 

After the initial flush of dating and a relationship becomes serious, there are big decisions to be made. This could include decisions about moving in together, whether or not to get married and have children, or if your partner or you already have children, how to merge those together cohesively. 

After several years, a relationship can change from something that used to be just about you and your partner into stresses about money, kids, chores, work schedules, and why it is neither of you can ever get just one minute to yourselves. 

One can certainly begin to covet the years spent without having to worry about caring for, supporting, or checking in with anyone else. This is why on many nights when my husband and I have an opportunity to have “couple time” together we don’t take it. 

Instead, we simply allow each other segments of time where we just do the enjoyable things we used to do when we were single — alone

I’m talking about the lazy, sloth-like things people do when they’re all alone and no one’s watching — like pig out on food, watch TV, and wear pajamas — or nothing — if that’s the case. 

So, every once in a while my husband and I gift each other with the luxury of doing such things. 

For me, this would include vegging out, watching whatever I want on TV alone with a glass of wine. For my husband, this could mean staying up late, playing video games, eating junk food, or just zoning out in whichever way he so wishes. 

If we want to go out with friends, that’s an option as well, but that would take actual effort and planning. The concept of “doing nothing” really becomes a luxury after a while being in a long-term relationship, working, having kids, or just the reality of being pulled in several different directions by life and responsibilities. 

Of course we usually have to save these times until the kids are asleep or being watched by a family member, but it’s something we do that helps us to come back to our relationship and responsibilities with a fresh perspective after having down time for ourselves. 

Spending time with your partner is definitely essential for maintaining a healthy relationship, but spending time alone, turning off your brain, and not worrying about pleasing anyone but yourself is something I believe every couple needs to allow each other to do peacefully and without guilt. 

Just because a couple ends up with a free evening doesn’t necessarily mean they have to do something together like go to dinner, the movies — or even have sex. 

What it can mean is some serious individual time to relax. Often times, I think couples feel pressured or forced to do date nights and such but, honestly, if you and your partner get the opportunity for a date night but both of you are grumpy or exhausted — skip it.

I think every couple should try spending individual time alone instead of a date night once in a while. Get in touch with your inner single person and just do you. You’ll be much happier, less grouchy, and much more likely to enjoy a proper date night the next time it comes around.

More from Michelle: What Fighting is Really Like When You’re Married 

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